gonna make myself a lil list of what i've been reading lately :> maybe with some thoughts. i'm not a super frequent reader any more but i've been trying to get back into it since i dropped from the habit in school so my reviews might b kinda basic. oh and i should probably mention these lil though summarys are not spoiler free, as a warning for anyone interested!
sure do not feel like doing the actual design work of a website rn so im starting with content. dates reflect when update was posted, not necessarily when books were read.
(4/4/24)
cover intrigued me! looks like a book about boyhood which is among my favorite kind of book. apparently challenged for homosexual themes wich is even better
(4/4/24)
title intrigued me! i love me an unnamed protagonist, apprently this is a very famous author! i know jack shit about what books and authors are in the public conciousness
(4/4/24)
would like to find a copy! read some passages my bfs sent and im very interested
(4/4/24)
read the first chapter a bit ago but im kinda bad at keeping up with ebooks, especially if i dont have them on my phone - hopefully adding it here will remind me to keep reading!
(3/16/23)
wikipedia describes this as "the first of a four-novel series featuring the title character Duffy, a bisexual private detective and ex-policeman with a 'phobia of ticking watches and a penchant for Tupperware'". I really enjoyed this book, though i found it a bit of a tough read due to not being familiar with the British (80's? it's been a bit but i think that was when this was set) slang. duffy was a character i found myself caring about a lot, his history, personality, and sexuality interested me. the book was brutal at times, i found it very impactful and enjoyed it for that. i picked this up along with a few other books looking specifically for detective stories, wanting to find some thing with a noir-feel to inspire my own character. while that wasn't really what i found here (noir novels arent really as much of a thing as films but i like reading books more than i do watching movies so i was basically floundering around the mystery section of a used book store looking for anything that seemed interesting), i'm very glad to have found it.
(3/16/23)
part of the duffy series, this time with a focus on London's Heathrow Airport. i remember enjoying this one in much the same way i did the above. it plays out in a similar way, with a mystery i have some trouble following, in no small part i'm sure because of the challenging language. i'm not gonna lie i went like 4 pages trying to pick up on context for a word and then finally googling it to found out it meant "bag". i am not a clever person. but! regardless, the intensity that i loved the first time carries into this one, too; a moment that really stuck with me was the vivid warning of the brutality of the drug trade that duffy was given, the "dead babies speech" i'd call it. i read these all during my short lunch breaks and i really valued how they stretched the time out, i could get lost in them so easily and often returned to work feeling like i'd just been wrenched out of that reality. i recall reading a review that suggested duffy's bisexuality read as, like, forced in the series, like it distracted from the plot. i disagree with this for the most part, i think it's as much an aspect of him as the very specific way he keeps his living space, the way he thinks, and being that the first book is named "duffy" and not "the blackmail of some dude whose cat was spit-roasted" i think that it's clear that duffy's character is a main aspect of the story, probably moreso than the mysteries he finds himself in. that review seemed like it was from a pretty heterosexual point of view, as a queerbo whose sexuality is a defining factor of my life. i bring it up because there actually was one point in this book that seemed to validate that assertion for me - duffy asserts to a man with a knife to his ear something along the lines of "all men are a little homo", which felt out of character for someone otherwise so anxiously calculating.
(3/16/23)
i enjoyed this entry in the duffy series less than the previous two, very much in part because this one's focus was football. when compounded with the language i already found difficult, i could not for the life of me keep up with entire scenes. i'm working a bit on reading without understanding every little thing i'm presented with, but not being able to figure out broad plot points because they're sports-talk i never learned doesn't super endear me to a story. to be quiet honest, what got me all the way through this was really that i have a soft spot for duffy as a character. he's like a wet dog to me. and here he is, doing some activity to improve the physical wellbeing he's insecure about, actually getting it up for the woman he shares his space with. good for you man!
(3/16/23)
excited to see my mans duffy again! gonna wait until i'm dont with the naked civil servant as it's my current lunch-reading. gonna be sad to say goodbye to him as this is the last in the series.
(3/16/23)
the autobiography of a gay man out in 1931 england. i've had similar issues reading this as i had with duffy, being unfamiliar with the language, local slang, and allusions. forming a coherent idea of the events described is still hit or miss, but individual statments feel significant often. the kind of thing i'd have loved to go through with a highlighter had i thought to earlier. working through it a few pages at a time during lunch, i intend to finish but don't find myself especially engaged due to my increased comprehension difficulty. i'd say that speaks to the author's skill, to have kept me at somewhat engaged in his life despite feeling like i've only really got bits and pieces of what he's said.
(4/24/23)
finished this a bit ago! really feel the same. maybe i'll watch the film at some point?
(4/24/23)
a mystery. slash steamy(no) romance?? it's not very good! besides the comic misogyny and slightly less comic homophobia, neither of which i'm immediately willing to fully write something off for (mostly bc it makes me feel like one of them Liberal Pussies. which i am, but c'mon now) but are both worth mentioning, it's pretty bland. i picked this up back when i was looking for noir-style mysteries so cheesy was what i was going for, but it doesn't quite hit that mark. i started this one because i read on my lunch break and after i finished my last book, i intented to start going to the dogs. i couldn't find it that morning, so i picked up something else quickly off my shelf and it was this. going to the dogs was in my work bag already, by the way. but i'm mildly amused enough to power through the whole thing. that's the thing about mysteries - no matter how little i really care about the setup i do still kinda wanna know the answer.
(6/25/23)
finished a bit ago! once again same case as the last check-in - feel about the same, wouldn't read again but there were parts bad enough to laugh at so it's at least not the most forgettable. worst part of the mystery is that it just couldn't stop introducing more people instead of like, elaborating on the suspects we had, to the point i couldn't keep up at all with who we were talking about.
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(3/16/23)
i'd been read dracula at some point way back in middle school. i think it was for entertainment in indoor recesses? like a lotta novel i read/was read in school (barring the outsiders, the graveyard book, brave new world, and the things they carried - all things i would love to reread and add here, i already own copies of the graveyard book and brave new world), i retained next to nothing. i do recall picking up a biography on bram stoker once while idle in the school library that i'd love to find again, i recall reading about his theater schooling. but enough about other books! i loved reading this, and in such a unique form. the book-club aspect of being able to check the tag after finishing an entry. it also helped me with the denser language in this one. can you believe i used to be grade and grades above my reading level? okay one last tangent: i remember reading a shakespeare play in high school, either romeo and juliet or hamlet i think, and that was like the exact moment i gave up, i went "nope. no matter how many times i read these words, i cant string them together to form an idea that means anything". i had to retake an english class after failing (not because of not understanding shit actually, because of failing to do the work and getting 0s on assignments that i couldnt quite finish and turn in). i was diagnosed with two developmental disorders a year after graduating. anyway, it was nice to see people talk about bits that i hadn't quite comprehended on my own.
(3/16/23)
columbo vs a charles manson copycat crime. picked this up bc i noticed at work while i was in the middle of watching the series and had been enjoying some mysteries recently. sorta fun, but i'd already found the show to drag a little at times - in those cases, the slower pace than i was used let me appreciate the scenery, acting, fashion, filming techniques, all the sort of structural things i am not a well-versed enough reader to easily find in text. not a bad read, but the structure of showing the crime before anything else and building up to columbo's big reveal didn't work for me as well in long-form writing.
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(6/25/23)
my friends got extremely into a game called limbus company. the pit trap of an all adhd-autistic friend group is that we can't always be in the same fixation wave as everyone else, but for this one i found at least one aspect that really appealed to me - all of the main characters in the game are based off classic literature. so, looking to engage with it by doing something similar, i went back and started re-reading the island of doctor moreau. i chose it beause it was one that i really enjoyed, and one with a plot that i thought could translate well into the universe - i may have simply made the character without revisting the source, but i realized i didn't have a great grasp on the characters themselves as much as i did the story and tones of the book. so this time, i'm reading it in the form of a pdf and doing some color-coded highlighting on everything that gives me a sense of these characters. not gonna lie i did not even remember prendick's name before revisiting. i think it's a fun, attentive way to read! i've already drafted some designs based off it, shown below (recalling that these are translations into another universe - i promise i'd make sayer of the law more interesting if i were drawing only from the book dkfghdjk). i've sorta lost interst in the project that this point since my pals have moved on to other fixations and i'm dealing with a lot of other wips rn, but! fun while i'm at it, i'll probably still finish reading since i'm close to being done even if i don't continue witht the design work
(8/18/23)
finished this a bit ago, a bit after my friends stopped caring about the game and connecting to them through this project became less emotionally profitable. so i probably won't finish it, but it provided me an interesting way to read. i doubt i'll forget the characters names as soon as i would have otherwise.
(8/18/23)
thing i picked up at work because the first page interested me! i don't dislike it by any means but good lord is this guy. a writer. i say this with both relation and a negative tone.
(12/1/23)
finished this a bit ago! overall, i'd say i like this book. not what i expected, and i have mixed thoughts on the writer's style and certainly don't agree with everything he says, but i did find it very interesting. i mostly felt sympathetic. the way he speaks on feminitiy really catches me - especially trouble with presenting onesself as female when you fundamentally disagree with the expectations of feminity. the physical reality of ethereal expectations as well.
(12/1/23)
that's right another thing i'm reading bc my friends are into limbus & bsd! i really do like this one, i've only got a page left i think. i have to wonder if the strange formatting in places is intentional. i was surprised to see how short it was. meursault is a character i feel such a connection to in the way he approachs the word - the hatred of engaging in what doesnt interest him, his persecution for his failure to emote. it's very emotionally difficult to read someone be put to death for his personality, which i do enjoy from it.
(2/17/24)
finished awhile ago! actually mailed the book out to a friend of mine since he couldn't find it around :3 thoughts remain as above, mostly.
(12/1/23)
another thing picked up from work bc it looked interesting! so far i've read just the first scene - the presentation with all its repetition so far surprised me, and i found it impactful. i love plays, i haven't just read one since highschool. don't have a place in my routine for it quite yet, but i hope to find one soon.
(4/24/23)
listening to an audiobook for this one :> checking it out bc my loves both read it bc it pertained to a game they're into and the excerpts they've sent seemed interesting. thoughts are sorta scattered rn so i think i'll wait to collect until i'm done - i think there's only another chapter or two left.
(2/17/24)
picked up at work, just started! barely through the acknowledgements but excited esp bc i'm grateful that it's in a voice i don't have much trouble reading so far - i know books that are on the older side and focus on intellectual topics can be a bit of a frustrating challenge for me to understand sometimes.
(3/16/23)
an autobiographical manga about the author's process of being diagnosed with terminal colon cancer. picked this up at a book store while browsing for gifts for my loved, the title really caught my eye. a heavy read with lovely art, it really holds my attention and yet i can't read it for too long at one time for how much it impacts me. the most recent chapters i've read left me clutching the book to my chest, sobbing from how much the images of hospitalization scared me. reading this and crying uncontrollably even from relatively positive experiences with doctors is a great way to realize the extent of one's medical anxiety. it makes me very, very emotional and scared me very, very much, though it's written in a light-hearted fashion much of the time. i'm tearing up and shivering from talking about it here. still, i have every intention to finish this.
(3/16/23)
picked this up just yesterday at work at the time i'm writing this! i saw her original book a few days ago too but i hesitated and never grabbed it. been meaning to read or watch something from marie kondo for a long time - all the tidbits i've heard from her seem like things that could really help me. the sermon i went to that discussed her work and animism really spoke to me. i've never considered myself to be spiritually animist but The Autism has i supposed always made that a reality for me. a little apprehensive to start, honestly, but also excited! change is scary to me but i feel it's something i need.
actually, lil tangent, this blog post that i found just now googling "autistic animism" looking for a more scientific term for what i've experienced actually is really relatable to me.
"For me, animism is not 'a belief system' or a religion or anything external that can be 'bought into' any more than autism is. I don’t choose to be autistic, and I don’t choose to be an animist. I don’t choose to turn either one of them on or off (nor can I), but I can certainly mask or suppress the experiences."
especially in regards to masking my inherent animist experience. the author of the blog post seems to be speaking mostly of organisms and spaces around them while i've felt non-living (scientifically defined) objects strongly as a child, but same general idea in a lot of ways. so that's neat.
(4/24/23)
read this all in one day out on the hammock in my backyard! cute little adaptation, i think. i did get rid of* two bags of clothing in one day. i came back for a few things but since completeing a bit ago, i've at least kept almost all my clothes folded and in my drawers. i'm not very good at identifying joy, it never really sparks for me. the best i could do was hold things, sometimes for a long time, sometimes while crying, and try to see if i found myself smiling. she says to focus on what you're keeping, not on what you're getting rid of. i found this hard in a way that works actually as a really convient metaphor for the joy itself - i only could focus on the absence of pain, most of the time, not the presence of joy. i don't think one manga's gonna fix that in me.
*put in bags, then put the bags in my trunk to hopefully forget what's in there so i don't feel full of fear and regret when i do take them to a thrift store donation center (i work at a thrift store. this has only worsened my anxiety - it feels like sending a dog to a farm upstate except literally when you work at a farm upstate and know that the dog's quality of life is likely gonna be pretty dismal). my therapist liked this idea and in fact actively suggested it before i told her i already had. my mom kinda made fun of it.
(4/24/23)
picked this up at work at as well! a little after finishing the last. i only started reading because i was self conciuos on my last 10 minute break at work and wanted to look like i was reading in the corner and not just staring at my phone. i've already failed, it seems - there's an emphasis on doing it all at once, which i clearly haven't. this one also feels like, meaner in a way? probably because i'm the exact sort of person who needs to hear it. or maybe it's just a blunt translation. ah well. i am learning to take what i need from things! if it does anything to make my life nicer or more enriched that's not failing, i'm just learning.
(3/16/23)
about a mother whose son died. learning about his interest in fiction about reincarnating to another world, she becomes convinced that this was his fate and becomes determines to either bring him back or join him there. she enlists the help of a former classmate. this one's been really interesting so far - i've never really read any isekai but i'm peripherally aware of the genre. this is a thoughtful reflection of that genre. one of the points it seems to lead me to is that the popularity of a genre whose basic formula is "death leads to an escapist realm, where you, yes you, plain young man, can finally be strong, powerful, recognized, loved!" speaks to mass suicidal ideation.
(3/16/23)
a monster promises to look after a suicidal girl who's long lost her family until she's perfect to eat. so far i've really enjoyed the art and slow pace in this one. as someone who's struggled with depression and suicidal ideation, the main character makes me feel very seen. something about having someone very kind who encourages you vigorously to live and sticks by your side, and yet only really being able to follow someone with every intent to see you die.
corny perhaps but everyone needs a lil. i may detail some homestuck fanfics/(fancomics) i rly like here too, why not